i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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