Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
