His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
