Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
