Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
