i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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