so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
