This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
