Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
