OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize