I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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