nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
