Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Randomize
