wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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