It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
