She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
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