my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
