honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
