Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm both gender and math confused
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