Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
