I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
