I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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