I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
