Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
