I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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