rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
