Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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