i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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