Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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