for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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