we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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