My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
