I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
