This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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