Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
