i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
