My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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