She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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