If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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