Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
why do cheetos always look like penises
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
