i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
