would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
