I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize