i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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