When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
