I bet he comes in French.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
