His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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