Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize