woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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