I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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