Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
