Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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