i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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