Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm both gender and math confused
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
