i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
