If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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