"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
