so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
