i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
