hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
