That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
