I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
operation have a gay friend backfired
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
