I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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