I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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