Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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