Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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