she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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