woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
