Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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